Wake Me Up When September Ends

Two things to bitch about tonight. Don’t feel like giving a proper introduction so I’m just gonna jump right in:

The first, not being able to get a job: So I had made arrangements to have a phone interview at 8PM tonight, to be a part-time nanny. This job would be perfect for me since it’s mostly in the evening (meaning I can get Jake to and from school, and still have time for art and whatnot) and it’s working with children, which come on, I’ve pretty much got that down. “But Rainbows, you hate kids!” Yes, okay. I’m not fond of children, but let’s face it, anyone with half a brain can take care of kids because they’re essentially dumb fucks, and since they’re not my kids, they’ll actually listen to me. So, yeah this job would be amazing.

But as always, any time something good comes my way, it’s of course ripped out of my hands and stomped into the ground just like all my other hopes and dreams. I called for the interview, and low and behold, no one answered! I even tried again at 9PM, and still no answer…THE DEEPEST OF SIGHS. I can’t even tell you how disappointing this is.

Do you know, do you even have ANY idea how many job applications I have filled out. Since my birthday (literally, I was filling out job applications ON MY BIRTHDAY), I’ve filled out two apps for Wal-Mart, FOUR for Starbucks, three for Fitness 19, two for some Asian nail salon (I am actually that desperate!) and at least 20 more for other local businesses around here (including both What-A-Burger and Taco Cabana, which if you know me, you’ll know I HATE working with food). NOT ONE MOTHERFUCKING CALL FROM ANYBODY.

Sometimes I wonder why I even get out of bed.

Second topic, Jake and his motherfucking school supplies. This pisses me off!

Before kindergarten began, I bought Jake a plethora of school supplies. Crayons, markers, glue, pencils, etc. On the first day, the teacher apparently “collected” (or I’d say, “stole”) all of his and the rest of the kids’ who brought supplies and placed them in a giant tub to be a “class set”. Right there, I’m pissed off.

I didn’t buy school supplies for his class. I didn’t buy markers for impoverished Sally, and I didn’t buy glue sticks for poor ass Johnny. I bought school supplies for Jake, because HE’S my responsibility. It’s not my job to make sure all the other kids have their shit together. If their parents can’t afford some 50¢ box of crayons, then maybe they should re-evaluate their lives and get some priorities in order. I’m unemployed and yet Jake still has all his shit!

It pisses me off that Jake has homework that requires scissors and glue, yet when I go in his bookbag to find it, I learn that little Susy instead has all his shit. Why should I have to buy stuff not only for his class, but then re-buy everything so he has something to use at home?! I don’t mind the occasional box of tissues for the class, but we’re talking $50 worth of shit that Jake can no longer use because it’s going some other little dipshit.

That’s why I hate kids. I can stand Jake, but just the image of those snot-nose little bastard using his Crayolas makes me want to punch them all right in the face. I already pay taxes that apparently goes towards “education”, but I guess not a dime could be spent on getting the kindergardeners their own damn gluesticks? What a fucking joke.

Ugh, /end rant. I’m going to bed.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

Somewhere I Belong

I feel like such a loser. I don’t go to school, I can’t get a job. All I do is sleep all fucking day only to wake up to watch more fucking television. And since Jake is in school all day, I can’t even hang out with him anymore. Is that how irrelevant my life has become? Taking care of the five-year-old has uterally determined how important my life is now?

I thought dropping out of school would be the answer to everything. I’d get a job, I’d move out of my parents house, I’d become an artist. My life was supposed to begin! Now four months in, the only thing that’s beginning is weight gain.

What am I supposed to do though? No one will hire me, art has pretty much come to a stand still because I’m too depressed to get out of bed, much less be creative. I’m stuck yet again. And if I tell anybody how I really feel, it’s just going to be “I told you so! Should’ve stayed in school!” for the rest of my life. I have too much pride, though I don’t even know why. My life is fucked; I haven’t accomplished shit in the 16 years I’ve inhabited this planet. I hate everything.

The best thing I can seeing doing for myself at this point is just waiting until next year to get my GED (yes, that’s right. You have to be a certain age to get a GED because people are fucking assholes) and then going to some form of college, but I would honestly enjoy being anally raped by an evil monkey more than I would following through with that plan.

Life just sucks. In sucks when you’re in school, it sucks when you’re out. Everything is fucking terrible; there’s no way to win.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

Adventures Of A High School Drop Out: Day 124

I feel so bad for all my friends who still have to endure the tortures of school. It’s not fair. I’m in a position where dropping out was semi-easy (not on my parents, of course), but there are so many people who are forced to go either because their families force them, or they just want to get into college. Whatever the reason, I still feel terrible that they have to go.

These aren’t the type of people who can go to school with all their friends and fit in. These are the people that get shoved into lockers and are harassed on a daily basis for just trying to be themselves.

I left school because I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand to sit through another class with people who literally HATED me for no reason. There would be stupid assholes who would throw shit at me (I can’t even count the number of colored pencils I’ve had pelted at my head), they’d insult me; they treated me like I had no right to exist.

And of course they treat my friends like that too because we were the group of “outcasts”, and the only difference this year is that I won’t be there and they’ll be all alone. But I can’t go back there. Even if it’s for them, because let’s face it, the only reason we even were friends is because no one else wanted us.

School is less about education and more about who’s popular and cool, and kids that fall short of the “in crowd” are treated like they don’t matter; like their lives have no relevance to them. But they do. And as much as I’d like to say that the underdog always wins and that once highschool is over things get better, they really don’t. I’ve been out of school for about three, maybe four months now, and my life is still just as irrelevant as it ever was.

Not trying to be depressing, just stating what I know from personal experience.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

To the King…

Today is Freddie Mercury’s 65th birthday. He was an absolute legend, and I can’t say much else other than I would kill at least five million people if it meant seeing Queen live.

Every time I listen to one of their songs, I just think, “how?” How could someone be such a genius as to come up with such music? Why did Freddie go with that rhythm and how did he think of those lyrics? Everything about Queen is absolutely brilliant, from the studio to the live shows; just the theatrics of it all.

Losing Freddie Mercury is probably one of the biggest reasons this planet sucks so much ass. Here’s to one day that isn’t completely horrible, as we’re honoring the king himself. Here’s to Freddie motherfucking Mercury and all the talent a single man can possess.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

Socially Fucking Awkward

So I was talking to my friend on the phone who happens to be guy. Anyways, we were saying goodbye, and he usually says something along the lines of “love you” and then a string of goodnights and what have you. Well, usually I just ignore the “love” parts because I don’t want him to get the wrong idea and assume we’re anything more than friends.

But for some reason tonight, it just slipped out and I accidentally said “love you too”, and he started freaking out. He was like, “what? What did you just say?”. And me being the socially fucked retard I am, I started saying “what?! I just said goodnight, what are you talking about?”

But he knew what I said. And I know what I said. And I mean, I do love him…as a friend. But I don’t think he quite understands that; I know he wants to be something more, but I don’t. And by returning the “love you’s” I think he might get the wrong idea and think I’m interested. I just don’t want to lead him on only to reject him down the line.

Can we rewind time yet..? I recant, I recant! Love just ruins everything. Society should be run like it was in that book The Giver. People matched at random, no one trying to date anyone or anything like that. No friends attempting to be potential mates.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§