I don’t know what happened or why, but something changed in my family seemingly overnight…and for the better this time.
If you keep up with my Twitter at all, you’ll know my grandmother has been staying with me this past week, and for once it hasn’t been the worst thing in the world. She isn’t angry at me, or resentful or acting disappointed. Knowing my grandmother and how she’s looked at me and my life these past few years, this is definitely a pleasant surprise. This is the person who watched me have a complete mental breakdown a couple years ago and did absolutely nothing, only to visit a couple months later and act like I had personally offended her in the highest regard, almost as if I’d run over her dog or something. She was so critical and hyper-judgemental the last time she was here, of my house, the way I was with Jake, etc. She was seriously so mad at me, and to this day I have no idea why she felt that way or what I had done to her that had made her so upset.
I speculated that it had something to do with my leaving school or the new faux-parent role I had taken on for Jake. But after a while, the tears dried and I just honestly stopped caring. I had every intention of cutting her out of my life and moving on. Love me or leave me alone, I said…but she didn’t leave. I saw my grandparents over Christmas and we ended up having a really nice time. No one fought, no one had any type of breakdown. It was great. And now her visit this week has been just as good, if not better. We’re getting along marvelously, she’s been a huge help around the house (she cooked dinner three times this week!) and her company has just been really enjoyable. This is a complete change in our relationship, and now that I mention it, it seems my whole family has been different as of late. They all seem more helpful and pleasant to be around, they don’t seem bitter or upset with me. It’s like the eggshells are gone and I can finally walk around without trying to avoid an interrogation! My family and I haven’t been on this good of terms in YEARS, and while the change is great, I have to wonder what brought it all on.
I mean, I love that we’re getting along and that they seem to have let go of whatever was keeping them so entirely disappointed and resentful towards me. But why the sudden change of heart? It’s not like I’ve changed, or at least I don’t feel like I have. I’m still doing what I’ve always done and being who I’ve always been. Granted, time does heal most wounds, but is that the case here? They’ve simply let time allow them to forgive and forget? And how long until I make my next mistake and have to watch it all fall apart again?
I’m sick in the head in that I don’t want things to be good because I’m so afraid of it all going down hill. You can’t fall if you don’t climb…but there’s no joy living your whole life on the ground…
§Rainbows & Skeletons§