Why I Hate Shopping With Other People

1) Constant whining. Mostly whenever I shop with any dude at all ever at any time ever. Even if I look at shoes for all of two seconds at a store we’re already in or at the very least near, all I hear is whining and how “you already own sooo many shoes!” and “why are all girls so obsessed with shoes!” and blah blah blah. I went Mother’s Day shopping with my oldest brother a few weeks ago and it took over an hour walking around the mall finding nothing to convince him to even walk into a clothing store, and then he pissed and moaned the entire time we were there. When I gave him a dress to hold, he held it a foot away from his body, acting as if he was going to die the entire time, which would maybe be entertaining or at least tolerable if he was 12 or 13 years old, but considering he’s almost 21…yeah, not so much. Like, I’ll go in every store in the mall whether I plan to buy anything there or not, I really don’t care, and have never understood people that can’t deal for five minutes while we go into a store that they don’t particularly love. Calm the fuck down there bro, no one thinks we’re dress shopping for you (and even if they did, would that truly be the worst thing in the world?).

2) People that don’t bring any money. I don’t mind spotting someone five or ten bucks every now and again but c’mon; you know if we’re going shopping, it’s usually to the mall or other various department stores and bringing twenty dollars ain’t gonna cover shit. I understand the economy sucks, etc etc so if you don’t have any cash, I totally get it— so let’s make plans to do something else! When I shop, I like to splurge because I’m trying to fill a void in my life with material things, and it’s awkward when I’m flipping out $100 at every store and you’re over there buying a keychain or a pack of pins or something because you actually care about buying a house someday.

3) Speaking of voids and spending money to fill them: I hate shopping with people that nag me about how much I’m buying. I get it, okay. I’m months behind on rent, I’m thousands in debt thanks to my student loans, etc. It’s really hard to make superficial changes in an attempt to not feel dead inside when you’re blabbing on the entire time about “responsible financial choices” and blah bleublah blabbebty blah blahbleeblah bleubatyblah blah.

4) People that get tired way too quickly. I can shop for hours on end and walk back and forth through malls, parking lots, etc with ease and have no qualms about spending an entire day out and about. There’s nothing worse to me than having to cut my shopping time short because whomever I’m with gets tired twenty minutes in and wants to go home. Why even come in the first place? Again, if you don’t want to/aren’t able to walk around for long periods of time, fine by me! Just tell me so we can do something else instead, because, just like being dragged through a mall isn’t fun for you, having to stop shopping after two stores isn’t fun for me!

5) Constant breaks. I don’t ever mind stopping for food or a drink, or so someone can use the bathroom, etc but jesus christ, if you have to pee every other store or are in constant need of a bench, again, it’s just best that we do something else. Bathrooms are usually on one side of the store, and it’s a total pain in the ass to have walk back there nine thousand times because you can’t hold it. I also hate waiting for people that, again, get tired entirely too quickly and need to rest every twenty minutes. Typically I’d feel bad leaving a friend to sit by themselves but these people are dead weight when it comes to shopping and are probably better off on the bench anyhow.

So, in conclusion, if this describes you in anyway, sorry, you are not my ideal shopping partner! This doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, of course— I’m sure I’m considered a dead weight for a bunch of stuff my friends happen to like! But really, if you hate shopping, just tell me and I’ll have no problem making alternative plans with you. I’d rather do something we both enjoy than to get to the store and have you whine and complain or be uncomfortable or whatever and have to leave five minutes later. That’s fun for no one!

§Rainbows & Skeletons§


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