I Hate Scooby-Doo

There is nothing entertaining about Scooby-Doo. Every episode is the exact same: stale, stagnant and boring. Why this show is still on air and grossing money everyday is beyond me.

Number one, no one asked. Did the police come to “the gang” and specifically ask for help in catching these criminals? Hell no. You know what the police do when you try “help” with their investigations? They arrest you for tampering with evidence and trying to be some vigilante super cop asshole. 

Number two, these aren’t even real crimes. Why the hell is it anybody’s business if some weirdo psychopath wants to put on a mask and go running through the town? Are they causing anybody harm? Are they murdering people or robbing banks? No, they’re not, so who the hell cares?! Certainly not the police, so why should “the gang”? 

Number three, it’s a guy in a mask. Mask-wearing dude. Dude in a mask. All you have to do is walk up to ’em and take off the costume. Seriously. You’ve been doing this for nearly five decades; don’t tell me you don’t know it’s a. guy. in. a. mask.

Number four, the only mystery that Fred needs to solve is the one that involves getting the stick out of his ass. Who the hell put this idiot in charge? “Hey, guys! We’re gonna go on vacation in this rusty old piece of shit van to this creepy abandon ghost town, hope nothing goes wrong!!!” Fuck you, Fred. Fuck you and your stupid ascot right to hell.

Number five, everyone knows the only reason “Daphne” tags along is because she’s Fred’s piece of ass. What do you think those two are doing while Velma’s losing her glasses and Shaggy’s getting high and talking to his dog? There’s a reason they have that big ol’ van, if you know what I’m saying…

Number six, Velma is a giant waste of space. The only reason she’s part of “the gang” is probably because her mom called Daphne’s mom and yelled at her when Daphne wouldn’t invite her to her sixth birthday party. That or maybe “jinkees” is slang for “blowjob” or something and that’s why they keep her around…

Number seven, as I said before, Shaggy does massive amounts of drugs which is why he’s able to “talk” to Scooby. I imagine “zoinks” is a code-name for LSD or maybe even PCP. Dude’s trashed all the time. As a matter of fact, I bet they’re all on some drug or another…

I would have had a good cartoon-watching experience if it weren’t those damn, meddling kids and they’re stupid dog. I hope the next time they go after a criminal it turns out to be Michael Vick.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Two things to bitch about tonight. Don’t feel like giving a proper introduction so I’m just gonna jump right in:

The first, not being able to get a job: So I had made arrangements to have a phone interview at 8PM tonight, to be a part-time nanny. This job would be perfect for me since it’s mostly in the evening (meaning I can get Jake to and from school, and still have time for art and whatnot) and it’s working with children, which come on, I’ve pretty much got that down. “But Rainbows, you hate kids!” Yes, okay. I’m not fond of children, but let’s face it, anyone with half a brain can take care of kids because they’re essentially dumb fucks, and since they’re not my kids, they’ll actually listen to me. So, yeah this job would be amazing.

But as always, any time something good comes my way, it’s of course ripped out of my hands and stomped into the ground just like all my other hopes and dreams. I called for the interview, and low and behold, no one answered! I even tried again at 9PM, and still no answer…THE DEEPEST OF SIGHS. I can’t even tell you how disappointing this is.

Do you know, do you even have ANY idea how many job applications I have filled out. Since my birthday (literally, I was filling out job applications ON MY BIRTHDAY), I’ve filled out two apps for Wal-Mart, FOUR for Starbucks, three for Fitness 19, two for some Asian nail salon (I am actually that desperate!) and at least 20 more for other local businesses around here (including both What-A-Burger and Taco Cabana, which if you know me, you’ll know I HATE working with food). NOT ONE MOTHERFUCKING CALL FROM ANYBODY.

Sometimes I wonder why I even get out of bed.

Second topic, Jake and his motherfucking school supplies. This pisses me off!

Before kindergarten began, I bought Jake a plethora of school supplies. Crayons, markers, glue, pencils, etc. On the first day, the teacher apparently “collected” (or I’d say, “stole”) all of his and the rest of the kids’ who brought supplies and placed them in a giant tub to be a “class set”. Right there, I’m pissed off.

I didn’t buy school supplies for his class. I didn’t buy markers for impoverished Sally, and I didn’t buy glue sticks for poor ass Johnny. I bought school supplies for Jake, because HE’S my responsibility. It’s not my job to make sure all the other kids have their shit together. If their parents can’t afford some 50¢ box of crayons, then maybe they should re-evaluate their lives and get some priorities in order. I’m unemployed and yet Jake still has all his shit!

It pisses me off that Jake has homework that requires scissors and glue, yet when I go in his bookbag to find it, I learn that little Susy instead has all his shit. Why should I have to buy stuff not only for his class, but then re-buy everything so he has something to use at home?! I don’t mind the occasional box of tissues for the class, but we’re talking $50 worth of shit that Jake can no longer use because it’s going some other little dipshit.

That’s why I hate kids. I can stand Jake, but just the image of those snot-nose little bastard using his Crayolas makes me want to punch them all right in the face. I already pay taxes that apparently goes towards “education”, but I guess not a dime could be spent on getting the kindergardeners their own damn gluesticks? What a fucking joke.

Ugh, /end rant. I’m going to bed.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

My Thoughts on Max and Ruby…

If you’ve ever seen the show (which I assume the majority of you have), you’ll know it to be about two bunnies, one with some serious ADD and the other with a major superiority complex. Here are my thoughts on the two…

Ruby:

Now, as mentioned above, Ruby is a bossy little cuntbag. She never lets Max do shit, and even when her friends come over for her “bunny scouts”, she bosses them around and forces them into doing everything she asks. Hell, she even yells at her fucking grandma!

The thing is, it’d be easy to just say she’s a total bitch, but you really have to see where she’s coming from. Obviously, she’s only I’d say maybe, 10 years old at the most, her parents are never around (more on that later), and she’s pretty much in charge of this little turd Max all fucking day. If I was her, I’d be just as pissy as she is.

And where are her fucking parents? The only parental figure they have in their lives is that old, sack of shit grandma that stops by every once in a while to make cookies or some shit. We don’t need your goddamn baked goods, you bitch, we’re hungry, there’s no electricity and my scout master is a rapist.

And on to Max:

This kid is an annoying little shit, with the attention span of a fucking pinecone. Ruby’s just trying to get her shit together, and this little asswipe can’t stay out of her life for five goddamn minutes. No wonder she’s always fucking yelling at you.

Maybe if his non-existent parents had taught him some discipline, or that useless, old hag would remember to fill his motherfucking Ridelin prescriptions, he’d be able to sit his ass still and Bossy Bitchface could take a breather every once in a while.

But honestly, it isn’t always his fault. Sometimes he’s just trying to play, and since Ruby can’t seem to pick her battles, she’s gotta go rain on his parade and fucking nag him to death. “No, Max, you can’t play with your firetruck right now.” Um, excuse me? Move, bitch, out the way!

Only time can tell, but seeing as how things are shaping up now, it’s clear that Ruby will soon be in jail for teenage prostitution, while her little brother Max is chained up in Scout Master’s basement to be his sex-slave. Ain’t so peachy now, is it Grandma? You whore.

Rainbows & Skeletons

Stay Together For The Kids

Another bitter rant about hating children. Enjoy:

So I overheard my little brother’s TV today just as it had gone to commercial for Kellog’s new, “fiber fun” cereal. Their slogan was literally “Kellog’s: Making fiber fun!”. It actually should be “Kellog’s: Lying to your kids because you’re too much of a pansy asshat to grow a spine and actually being a parent!”.

I’m so fucking sick of all this shit being made “fun”. Eating shouldn’t be fun, it’s eating. You don’t want to eat, you spoiled little brat?! Fucking starve then. Like brushing your teeth nowadays. They got all this “fun” toothpaste and wacky cool hip toothbrushes, and for what?! So your stupid little shit of a kid doesn’t complain about having to do a necessary part of everyday life. It’s bullshit.

When I was younger, I brushed my teeth so they wouldn’t rot the fuck out of my head. I washed my hair so I didn’t smell like shit. I did these things, not because they were so super exciting, but because they needed to be done. Even now, I don’t do laundry so I can go buy crazy soap and make a game out of it. I do it because I like my clothes to be clean. End of the fucking story.

You can’t even fathom how much these kids piss me off sometimes. They expect everything to be entertaining, so much so that they refuse to do simple tasks because they’re “boring” and not thrilling enough. It’d be different if these things didnt need to be done for survival’s sake, but considering some of these little fuckers can’t even stand the thought of taking a piss without the toilet water being fucking purple and poka-dotty, it’s infuriating.

I can’t wait for the future. I can’t wait for all these demanding little assholes to grow up and you can all look at this post and see exactly where it all started to go to hell in a handbasket. And who can you blame?! None other than yourself for being such a spineless bag of dicks and raising your little fuck of a kid to be nothing more than another greedy, spoiled little asshole clone of yourself.

Motherfucker, do I hate you all.

Rainbows & Skeletons

To The Wolves

So I was babysitting these two brats last night (a lot of fun that experience was) and this four-year-old kid was playing around on his computer when he asked me to be his friend on Facebook.

First of all, what in the hell does a toddler need a Facebook for? Is he gonna add Elmo and start a fan page with Dora?! Jesus Christ, what is wrong with parents today (besides the obvious)?! The only person I could possibly imagine your kid being friends with is you, and if you’re that neglectful, you shouldn’t of had them in the first place! I mean, why is it okay to let your kid go on Facebook, but Myspace is “dangerous”? News flash: there’s just as many pedophiles (if not more) on FB than there is on Myspace! It’s not like the creators invested in some kind of anti-criminal shield that MS just didn’t have the cash for. It’s still the internet, and you’re still an idiot.

Secondly, why would I want to be friends with some four-year-old, ADD-ridden pain in the ass anyways? He can barely read; the most he’d do is poke me all damn day and send me stupid quizzes.

Which brings me to my next point: Leave me the fuck alone already! No, I refuse to join any Farmville, Farm City, whatever stupid ass crap you keep sending me. I don’t even do work in real life, why the hell would I want to start online?

And why was the “poke” button even invented? Even if I gave a shit about you being alive, I most certainly don’t want you to fucking touch me to let me know you’re still breathing.

I’m sick of all these random losers adding me too. We sat across the room in chemistry last year and didn’t speak a word to each other. Yet…we’re friends on Facebook? No. You wanna be friends with me, try real life first. It’s even worse when people you don’t like (or people that you would have been struck with AIDS before ever talking to) add you as well. Like, bitch, you stepped on my shoes and skipped me in the lunch line, I don’t think so.

Facebook would be so much better if there weren’t all these stupid people fucking it up for the rest of us. Anyways, it’s 2AM and I have to be up by seven (lucky me :P) so I’ll be going now.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

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1.03.01

Duality

I’m so pissed words can’t even begin to explain the rage I feel right now.

First off, I fucking hate my parents. They leave me with their little shit of a kid, who doesn’t even like me half the time, just to go out and party because hey, they have a free babysitter! I’m over this. Today I had to take Jake to his friends’ birthday, and instead of being responsible for their own child, they force him off on me to go “socialize”. What the hell?! I wouldn’t even mind it so bad on the weekends if I didn’t already have to watch him the entire week just so they can work their stupid jobs. Or maybe it’d be better if when they got home from their crummy job, they could at least spare a few bucks for the babysitter?

What’s even worse is that they leave us no money to do anything and expect me to play with the brat the entire time! I mean, there’s only so much you can do with a regular four-year-old, much less one that hates you. Then they get mad if I let him watch TV or play video games even though there’s nothing else to do! And my mother actually wants me to take him outside, which isn’t a problem set aside the 100 degree weather and the fact that the only thing to do is go to some shitty, run-down playground that we have to walk to (because God-forbid it’d be too much to leave the car).

Not to mention that there’s nothing to eat or drink besides some nasty cheery Chrush shit and because they’re too cheap to leave any money or to even order a pizza, we’re stuck without food for how ever long they decide to make us wait. I’m fucking tired of this. They’re 40 years old and have three children; enough with the partying. And no, I’m not being selfish. I don’t mind if they want a couple hours to themselves every once in a while, but not at the expense of myself. I’m your daughter, not your goddamn nanny! Either hire someone else or at least try to accommodate that I have a life of my own and that I’m not Jake’s parent. You are, so it’s time to start acting like it.

20 More Reasons I Hate Children.

As much as I’d hope to have stopped people from breeding with my last blog about hating children, I still haven’t so here’s another go at it:

1. Because of children, my car is now completely filthy. The backseat now smells like rotten poptarts and is covered in dry milk. Want to role down a window? Oh, too bad. The etch-a-sketch blocks the left and the doodle pad the right.

2. They make what should be good-looking people huge. No one wants to tap that!

3. Getting them into a car seat properly is kind of like going into military combat. Wanna try? Take a look at the bite marks up my arm and you’ll reconsider.

4. If doing laundry was a crime, I’d be in for a life sentence. Kids pee on everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING. Themselves, their clothes, their beds, their floors, EVERYTHING.

5. If they’re not peeing, they’re throwing up. Unless picking up pieces of regurgitated food off of your couch every time you want to sit down is your thing, don’t have children.

6. Walking anywhere is more or less going to either turn into a run for the bathroom or a slow drag across the grocery store while they shout bloody murder about Pokemon.

7. If you plan on having children, buy paint thinner. Why? Because after pretending to give two shits about Dora the Explorer for the next six years, you’ll want to thoroughly soak your eyes in it.

8. Chuck E. Cheeses. Need I say more?

9. If children weren’t in my life, my couches would not have holes in them, my walls wouldn’t have crayon on them, and my curtains wouldn’t smell like urine.

10. Because of children, it’s now impossible to get anything semi-enjoyable done until the wee hours of the night. Hence the reason I’m writing this blog at two in morning.

11. My front door walk-in area is filled with so much dirt and sand, it almost resembles beach front property. Very cheap beach front property.

12. Just because talking about feces isn’t my cup of tea.

13. The refrigerator is now home to some of the shittiest artwork I’ve ever seen. What’s worse is that you can never ever get rid of it because it’s “sentimental”.

14. Because children consume so much milk, you should probably start thinking of taking out a second mortgage for a down payment on a dairy farm.

15. Watching two kids fighting should be hilarious, but unfortunately that’s considered “child abuse” and therefore has to be broken up. And let me remind you that you’re responsible for breaking it up and kids have sharp teeth.

16. Adventuring has now been reduced to navigating through Wal-Mart without having a mental breakdown.

17. You’d think going to the park might be fun and relaxing, but those fucking brats even manage to make that an ordeal. Not to mention those damn swings. After listening to an argument about who should get the “big kid” swing, you’re inevitably forced to push them both until you’re ready to stick a fork in your eye.

18. Getting them dressed has the amount of pleasure as getting sodomized by a gorilla would. To get anywhere on time, set your clock back by two hours and pray it’s a good morning.

19. Because kids have to pee constantly and it would kill them to even do that with some pride, always expect there to be urine on the toilet seat and floor. And if they’re nice, they’ll leave a nice turd in the bowl because they’re too lazy to flush.

20. And finally, because if kids didn’t exist, either would this blog and that’d make a lot of people happier.

Still not convinced? Read this!

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

You can think of me when you forget your seatbelt…

And again when your head goes through the windshield.

Aw, and you guys thought I was getting soft on you. Ha. Think again.

No, I’m actually here to talk about ridding the world of people. That’s right, me and my awesomeness have discovered a way to rid the world of it’s problems, simply by killing a few billion people. 🙂

Well, all of this started today in geography when I was taking his stupid test and I noticed a graph of the world’s predicted population in 2050. My darlings, there are too many people on this planet now, think about forty years from now. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Thus my amazing plan comes into place and takes care of it all. I’m so selfless; spending a whole twenty minutes to save everyone from a world of grief…

Anywho, my first order of business would be determining who lives and who dies. All violent criminals and pedophiles are automatically gone. No ifs, ands, or buts. Gone. Instantly. Think about it, if there’s (according to Google) 6,697,254,041 people in the world and we’ll say 10 million violent criminals and pedophiles. Kill them off and we’re left with only 6,687,254,041 people.

Next, we get rid of all old people. So how many oldies are out there? Maybe seven million? Take them off the map and we’re left with 6,680,254,041 people. Now if we stop people from having children, that’d be another, we’ll say, 20 billion people off our backs. That would ultimately take care of the entire problem, and we’d be left with…-13,319, 745,959 people.

See? Not only did I reduce the world’s population, I made everyone extinct! I rock at life.

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

I Hate Kids

Reasons to hate children:

• They’re loud.
• They’re annoying.
• They talk too much.
• They laugh when something’s not funny.
• They whine and complain about everything.
• They always want what they can’t have.
• They don’t do anything.
• They always expect people to do everything for them.
• They think everything they do it cute, when in reality it’s not.
• They smell.
• They’re stupid.
• They smile like hobbits.
• They tattle like little assholes.
• They think they’re “super cool”.
• They make up piss-poor jokes.
• They can’t draw for shit (see this blog for why I hate children’s artwork).
• They cry too much.
• They ruin lives.
• They think they can do whatever they want.
• Their parents just ignore their annoyance.
• They cry in movie theaters and restaurants.
• They can’t do anything of importance.
• They lie.
• They steal.
• They steal and then lie about it.
• They think they deserve rights.
• They talk back.
• They always want to have fun.
• They think they deserve to have fun.
• They contribute nothing to society.
• They listen to bad music.
• They like Disney.
• They’re always dirty.
• They refuse to bathe.
• They’re nose is always running.
• They wipe their faces on their shirts.
• They expect you to change and feed them. Those little shits.
• They’re gross.
• They’re violent.
• They talk casually about their privates when everyone else is trying to be civilized.
• They can’t dress themselves.
• They mispronounce everything. It’s “pillow” not “phiillllphh”, you douche.
• They can’t take being insulted.
• They have too much time on their hands.
• They try to act older than they really are.
• They always want attention.
• They never pay attention.
• They interrupt everything.
• They always want something.
• They never say “please” or “thank you”.
• They’re irresponsible.
• They spill everything.
• They make people fat.
• They never listen (did I already say that?)
• They pee on everything.
• They have more germs than anyone else on the planet.
• They like Chuck E. Cheese’s.
• They ruin furniture.
• They ruin everything.

And if that’s not enough to convince you…

You’re welcome. 🙂

Seek and you will find they say…

But I’ve been looking everyday
For a way past this wall that’s in front of my face
On my hands and knees searching for my faith

You’ve got me desperate!

I know You here, would You give me a sign?
And reel me in before I’ve fallen in line
You’ve put me on a path I don’t understand
Standing on the ledge waving my hands…

I know, I’m obsessed. 😀

Anywho, my darlings, how do things look? Finally got the new header up. ^_^ I’m actually somewhat proud of this one. I used to hate the other ones. xD

Now for my main point: Why the “Day of Silence” is retarded.

First of all, you’re supposed to celebrate to show support of Child Abuse Awareness. The thing is, no one gives a damn. Even the abused children couldn’t care less if you go silent for an entire day. Do you honestly think that not talking will somehow help any child to not get a beating tonight? No, it won’t. You’ve helped no one. Congrats.

Number two, you have a voice. You have the ability to speak and make your opinion known, yet instead of telling people about the abuse and how to stop it, you chose to spend an entire day sitting in silence like a total retard. Again, no one was helped.

Thirdly, the only reason any of you did this was so you could say that you cared, when in reality none of you actually do. Don’t you think that’s kind of spitting in the face of all abuse victims? To be honest, whether you “celebrated” this day or not doesn’t make a difference to me. But when you pretend to support a cause just for the sake of looking like a better person makes you a really big douche.

I really hate when people sign up for things and support organizations just to make themselves look “holier than thou”. Like when the earthquake in Haiti happened and everyone jumped on the bandwagon to donate money to them. Look, two months later and what’s gotten done? They’ve gotten BILLIONS and still they’re just sitting there in their makeshift huts, pretending as if nothing happened. So you basically just blew a billion dollars for some dirt-poor country to sit on for the rest of time. You’re a genius.

My fourth point is that all of you talked anyways. Even if you did care, you had a piss-poor way of showing it.

So, go you. You wasted an entire day doing nothing, not solving one problem, and pissing a lot of people off. I hope you’re satisfied.

Let me know when you decide to really care. RIP Kelsey Briggs. ♥

§Rainbows & Skeletons§

PS.: RIP all VT students who lost their lives in the 2007 massacre.